What do the following words have in common?
Cookie.
Doodle.
Winky.
Business.
Stuff.
Bits.
There may be more than one answer. But let’s start with the obvious one: they’re all nicknames that parents and caregivers may use with their kids to refer to private parts.
“What’s the harm in a cute nickname?” you might wonder. After all, many parents and grandparents feel uncomfortable hearing anatomically correct words—like vagina, penis, or nipples being spoken by a small child.
“I’ve talked to people who believe children shouldn’t know the names of their genitals because they should remain innocent,” says Dr. Mary Tatum, Director and Forensic Interviewer at the Clearfield County Child Advocacy Center. “It’s like those words seem too ‘adult’ for small kids to know.”
But that discomfort has more to do with our cultural norms and our adult knowledge and experience than it does with our kids. “We are born with those parts,” Mary points out, “and children should know the correct words for their body parts so they can communicate as effectively as needed.”
As a forensic interviewer, Mary knows how important it is for children—especially kids who have experienced child sexual abuse—to be able to talk about their experiences accurately and confidently.
Typically, nicknames for body parts, like the ones above, are very vague. When we use vague, non-specific terms to talk about private parts, kids are less likely to know exactly which part they’re referring to. Vagueness opens up a potentially dangerous gray area when it comes to identifying when abuse is happening and makes it more complicated to tell what happened when abuse does take place.
We believe that the safest and best way to teach kids to talk about their bodies is by using the correct—as in, anatomically correct—terms for body parts. In general, we define private parts for kids as “the parts of your body that would be covered by a bathing suit.” Specifically, it’s important for kids to be able to identify those parts by name.
Private parts aren't something to be ashamed of
1) Using correct names for private parts normalizes them as natural and not to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. Kids notice when adults loudly and openly say words like elbow, shoulder, and belly button, but only talk about private parts in euphemisms and hushed tones.
“When children are taught nicknames for private parts, but then taught the correct names for other parts of their body, it can make the children think that those private parts should not be discussed or are too embarrassing to name. When children are taught the correct words for ALL their body parts there is no embarrassment around those parts.”
That lack of embarrassment can translate into empowerment and confidence, reinforcing body autonomy and helping kids develop a sense of self-ownership.
Teaching body parts is a natural way to teach body boundaries
2) Teaching basic body knowledge also provides opportunities for parents and caregivers to teach safety. If parents get comfortable talking to their kids about their bodies, it’s likely they’ll also talk to them about safety. And when kids know the correct names of their private parts, it’s easier to give them a clear understanding of what kind of touch is and isn’t okay.
“Teaching specific language helps keep kids safe,” says Mary. “Children who know the correct names of their body parts are empowered with clarity. And pairing that clarity with body safety rules and good boundaries might help deter potential perpetrators who are looking for children to victimize.”
Body-savvy kids are less likely to be targeted by abusers
3) Anatomically correct terms may help prevent abuse by deterring a potential abuser. Information gathered from interviews with offenders suggests that children who are body-savvy and educated about privacy and consent were harder to groom and perceived as more likely to “tell” about inappropriate touch.
And if abuse does happen, and a child must be interviewed during an investigation, the ability to be specific and accurate about the parts of their bodies that were involved can help investigators identify abuse, hold offenders accountable, and ensure that child victims get the care they need to be safe and heal.
Talk early & talk often...and keep it simple!
Teaching anatomically-correct language might feel uncomfortable at first. But as you help your children learn to talk about body parts accurately, you normalize the conversation for them and for yourself. The simplest plan is to start early, be consistent, and keep it simple.
Mary advises: “Start the conversation from the time children are infants! When you’re changing a diaper or potty training, use anatomically correct words like vulva, penis, scrotum, and vagina to discuss those parts like they are normal parts.”
Children don’t have any idea that those words are any different from other body part words unless the adults in their lives teach them to think that way. “If you keep the conversation natural, then children won’t feel it’s weird to talk about their body parts. It’s only uncomfortable for them talking about body parts if it is uncomfortable for the adults.”
As parents and caregivers, it’s our responsibility to challenge our own discomfort, because words matter. By empowering the kids in our care with the accurate names for the parts of their bodies, and the confidence to use them—without stigma, shame, or judgment—we’re providing them with knowledge that can make a real difference to their safety.
The nicknames may seem funny and cute, but kids’ bodies are not something to joke about—and CAC experts like Mary know that child abuse is a real risk. The empowerment that knowing accurate words provides can help stop child sexual abuse before it starts, and make sure abuse is accurately identified when it does happen.
Let’s give our kids the best chance possible by teaching them the words that can help keep them safe.
Children's Advocacy Centers of Pennsylvania
We are the statewide nonprofit coalition supporting 41 nationally accredited Children's Advocacy Centers (CACs) that provide a child-friendly, trauma-informed, team response to child abuse in Pennsylvania.